My Fear
Let me set the mood for you before I get into the writing...I'm currently sitting at my desk listening to a children's worship cd (because i am the children's pastor as well) and the only light in the room is my computer monitor and a french vanilla candle from walmart...I feel that if I can set the room up for you as a place where I can be honest that might help the blog make sense.I've been watching too much of the TV show Scrubs lately because I feel like this blog should be titled like the way they title the episodes on show. That's not really my fear but I've been on this track oh thoughts lately that have revealed fear in my life.
In 3 hours or so I'm going to drive to my first volunteer session at the homeless shelter here in Gboro...all day long I've had this inner battle going on with whether or not I really want to even go to the place tonight. So before you call me a wuss listen for a sec. I mean I'm a midwest white kid, and even though I have a heart for this Indiana Wesleyan didn't really raise me to hangout with homeless people. How in the world am I going to relate? How am I going to even make a dent in these men and women's lives for Jesus? Will they even tell me their story? Will they even let me show them love? Why would they want some funny looking white guy's help? All these questions are bombarding me and so I'm not going to lie to you I'm scared to go.
Last week I met with a professor that I look up to greatly...and I told him my hardest thing in ministry is fall in love with Jesus while doing church work. It seems like sometimes people in the church replace Jesus (the suppossed focus of church) with themselves...Then I told him I was having a hard time with finding a sabath...He rebuttled with "Micah please stop committing the sin of sabath" For some reason that scared me. before you call me a wuss just listen. I never want to be that pastor that totally blows it. Now i have people in my life who have fallen and I'm not sure if the sin of sabath is why but this professor hinted that sometimes that is the leading factor...So i'm scared I don't want to do that and so thought's of not being good enough or holy enough has placed my fear in my face...
Finally, i've reached a new point in a relationship, to be honest i'm scared...before you call me a wuss just listen...I've been to a point like this twice before and it came back to kick me in the face...so even though i'm not gong to give you any details, I'm doing this in my woundedness and saying i'm willing to take a risk even though i'm filled with fear...
Sorry for those of you who just dealt with all of my emotional problems but thank you...Sometimes I think fear keeps you sharp and opens your eyes to things you may have missed without fear...So even though I'm scared, I will trust God's guidance on my life and say "Less of Me, More of God!!!"
posted by Micah Dormann @ 12:35 PM
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